Yesterday I went to see my surgeon so he could check the progress of my arm. For those who maybe missed it, I had surgery Nov. 30 to remove a rod from my arm. My actual elbow is fused from the trama of the original injury (car crash in Dec. 2003) but the non-union above the elbow has formed fiberous tissue and works as a joint now. I call it "elbow.2 : the new edition."

There are two different responses from people in my life towards the progress on my arm. There are the people who are amazed and encouraging (M, EvilG, my boss CS, M's family, Lorster, T, Dr.C and therapist D) and to them I say much thanks. I really work hard for the progress I have, and I cannot express how much your support and encouragement means.

Then there is the other response. It's a combination package of "meh" and "so what, you're still handicapped." It's not expressed exactly that way, but it comes off more as the apathy you give a kid who is showing you a badly colored picture. "Nice picture Joey" *pat pat pat on the head* It varies in response, from Mother (that's good, will it get better?) to S at work who just mildly smiled and nodded. In fact most of my family is like "oh. neat."

Hello! Big picture time! For 11 years I've not had a moveable joint. It would not bend more than a few degrees and that was flexed around the rod. I can touch the back of my head now! I have not felt the back of my head with my left palm in 11 years people!

Am I wrong in wanting more that "gee, that's nice K" *pat pat pat* ???? Granted I don't want cartwheels, I just wish that people would understand the need to celebrate progress rather than dwell on what isn't there yet. Yes, I'm always going to have limitations on my left arm. I guess they can't expand their thinking to realize how thrilled I am at how this has improved my life.

For me, the saddest part is that after a wonderful doctor's visit in which Dr.C said I should get a lot more active range back in time, I didn't bother sharing that news with my parents. I'd shown them how far it bends now (65 degrees) and was met by the word "good" said in a way that would be equivalent to the response you'd expect after saying "I set the table for dinner."

Perhaps it only matters that I care. Perhaps the indifference from people who are suppose to care is why I don't share. Perhaps it's also why I've felt I didn't matter for most of my life. It's been up to me to find my own self worth ... but I've found it. Looking at it that way, it's the best of celebrations. My life is worth the work.

::If at any point you don't like my opinion::
::you don't have to share the same::
::Isn't the free world amazing that way?::
::Individuality rocks!::

::The people in my diary are just that, people.::
::If you think you are one of them,::
::then only admit it if you are one of the good ones!::
::If your are hurt and offended thinking you::
::are someone negatively mentioned in my diary,::
::stop doing what you are doing!::
::Perhaps you'll see me write nicer stuff about you!::
::If you think you know me and::
::are dying of curiousity, email me.::
::I won't promise to tell you,::
::but at least I'll know you're out there!!::